Because Studying Is Boring

In my hand I hold a collection of apocryphal, arcane, and archaic words, which no one really uses, that seem made for the sole purpose of attenuating my prose (though their hope is that it will be aggrandized). But because I am so assiduous, this is my alternative mode of studying. I hope it will assuage my conscience and serve as an augury of my future success on the GRE.

I apologize again for how aberrant I must sound, but I deserve an accolade for trying and refusing to become acerbic. My acumen for writing will probably help me very little on this test created to admonish the one who thinks too much. Only the adroit test taker will succeed, so I must learn to turn off my brain and take on a feeling of adulation for the behemoth that is the standardized test.

I hate to adulterate my blog with this, as it is contrary to my aesthetic. Of course the assumption is that the one who does not know all of these words is artless.

I am actually shocked at the alacrity with which I am now learning. I am not enough of an ascetic to keep this up all day, though.

Alchemy was not a successful science, but to mock these words is a sort of alchemy. It makes them fun—even when they’re terrible—to amalgamate them all in one post. If you have to study this is an amenable way to do so.

The GRE is anathema, but I have to take it to burnish my application to graduate school (where I will study creative writing and never use these words). A standardized test after all I’ve done in undergrad seems a bit anachronistic. You want me to do geometry again? What an anomaly. Surely in the four years since I’ve done any math that part of my mind has atrophied.

To pose an antithetical argument, despite my antipathy, focusing for so long is a good discipline.

The apogee of my test-taking career will hopefully be in a little over a week when I take the test. Then I will no longer be an apostate in my compliance with such a test.

To apprise you, I am the apotheosis of a smart student who sucks at these tests. Dear universities, you wish to assay me, but I deserve your approbation and acceptance regardless of my GRE score. It is nothing but an aspersion guaranteed to belie me. Please do not be too astringent in this area.

Now, I realize that my use of some of these words might be a bit audacious but under the auspices of the Princeton Review flashcards, I am doing my best to use them properly. For your own studying, be sure to aver my usage.

The road to a big vocabulary is a baleful one, but it has been beatified by ETS over the years to beleaguer innocent students like myself.

Thank you for bearing with my bombast, all my bellicose rambling against the GRE. I don’t mean to be boorish. But to find a way to use all of these words I must be a bit boisterous, saying every crazy thing that comes to mind to bolster my vocabulary, which is now burgeoning. Somehow I’ll get through another byzantine application process.

On a side note. There are two types of arabesques. This one. And this one. How do I use that in a relevant sentence?



About Jacquelyn Barnes

Former English Literature and Writing major at Whitworth University. Spanish Language minor. Browne's Addition Resident. Editorial Assistant at Gray Dog Press. Interested in postcolonial, multicultural, and feminist theories. Former ski racer. Longboarder. Runner. Member of Vintage Faith Community Church (we have no building). Painter. Morning person. View all posts by Jacquelyn Barnes

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