I am learning about the Holy Spirit. Recently, I posted about my friend who I felt was just using me. The thing is, I realized that me helping her was also me using her. I certainly had moments in which God infected my heart with his love for her, but the reality is, it is hard for me to see her as a person that I want to know outside of the fact that she wants me to help her.
I think I started to give up. I wanted to know all about her, to really know what would give her hope in life, to listen. The thing is, some people are pretty closed off. She would talk about guys or dumb girls, but not really about her heart. But there are a lot of people who don’t really let new people in deeply. How do I love someone who I don’t really even know?
The answer is the Holy Spirit! How did I not think of that? I’ve been so busy trying to figure out how to act in a way that both cares for her and pushes her to make the most of life that I’ve sort of forgotten about the heart behind it.
I learned that I don’t have to figure out how to treat her; I am connected to the one who knows precisely. I have access to that knowledge. God wants me to know how to reach out to the ones he’s pursuing. He told me to stop thinking and start listening.
I also learned that to love someone you have to know him or her deeply, otherwise you’ll never know what they need. So how can I cultivate a heart of love toward someone whom I have trouble getting to know? Here it is: I have within me the Spirit of the one who knows her, and loves her, more deeply than anyone else ever could. I have within me the Spirit of the one who created her (and everyone else I struggle to love but end up using instead).
This struggle (and many others that the Lord has brought to my attention and convicted me of this weekend) is pointing me back toward the instruction and life-giving power of the Holy Spirit. My focus for this next stage of life will be reconnecting with this part of God: his real power, knowledge, and intimate presence in me.